Being Selfish For 30 Days

 

Losing weight is not something that happens overnight. I gained my weight day by day, one bad habit at a time. Slowly these bad habits became my way of life and gradually I accepted my new limitations. I tried many things half-hardheartedly. A few things I really tried but have endless reasons why I failed in the past. I had to stop and really think about, me, what I want and don't want.

After years of piling on the pounds my body can no longer keep up with a normal way of life. My body is always aching. I wake up in the morning and my back, my knees, my ankles all seem to be in constant discomfort, AKA, pain. I get winded climbing up a flight of stairs. By early afternoon, I am ready for a nap, a 2-3 hour nap. Sometimes I do get to nap, other times, I  need to press on. Either way I feel sluggish for the rest of the day, not much energy in me. The desire to do things is there but it quickly dissipates when the reality of my body's limitations sinks in. A sense of depression moves in with a big sigh expelled as I sit down and loath what I have become. I no longer walk, I wobble. Taking a deep breath before I get up from sitting, and hesitating to pick up stuff from the floor is now the norm. Constantly pulling my shirt down and wondering if I fit in the seat is an everyday issue. I refuse to accept this as my "normal" for the rest of my life.

Taking pictures was something I did for fun. It is no longer fun. Having to sit on the sidelines and waiting for the action to come to me is not fun, it is boring, depressing, and a waste of time. I don't want to sit on the sidelines. I want to live life, a fulfilled life.

The truth is I need help losing this weight. Never mind the past. I learned from my past and now I am moving on to finally starting my journey to optimal health. Why is this time different from any other time I have attempted to loose weight? The fact that I am finally being honest with myself in admitting I need help. I can not do this alone. Some people may be able to do it alone, but I am not one of them. I need someone to help guide me. Needing help and asking for help does not make me weak, it makes me strong.

For 30 days I will dedicate every day to ME. I am not ignoring my responsibilities, but I am putting me first. My kids are 8 and 11, there is a lot they can do for themselves. There is a lot they can do to help me too. They may not understand a lot of things but they do understand I am doing something to better my health. My husband does not fully understand what I'm doing either, but he understands I am working on my health. I may not be joining him for a giant tub of heavily buttered popcorn while watching TV anymore, but we can watch TV while I walk on the treadmill.  30 Days = 720 hours I want to dedicate to me, my health, and my life.

There is a lot for me to relearn, a lot of bad habits I will break. I know where I want to end up and now I have a person who will be helping me get there. I know I am the one who has to do the work. Work does not scare me. It's working in the wrong direction that does scare me. My official guide through this journey is my Health Coach. Whenever I am not sure if I'm doing the right thing, I know I can literally call her. BTW, so far, I think she is AWESOME!

Sunday, September 3rd is officially my Day 1 into my journey to optimal health.

I am so looking forward to being able to run up a flight of stairs without getting winded.