Be Honest and Reboot.

It has been eighty some days since my last post. I was all ready to get back on track. My plan was to hit the gym 3 times a week, eat healthier, be more active, ... Well, here we are at the end of our summer. Kids go back to school next week and I am heavier than I was on June 9th. I did not set foot in the gym once! Very disappointed in myself. I am heavier than I have ever been, heavier than when I was pregnant. All my good intentions were derailed by "summer fun" of bad choices. Too many BBQs, food based play-dates, trying new eateries, kicking it on the couch catching up on shows, summer movies while stuffing my face with movie theater popcorn soaked in butter, etc. I can not do this by myself. I need help and I feel embarrassed to say it. I know I should not feel this way, but I do. I know what I need to do, I know what I need to eat and not eat. I know many things but apparently I need something else, help.

Last week I woke up in the middle of the night and could not fall asleep again. I felt tired, sleepy, but also very stressed out. Knowing the kids go back to school real soon means it's time to be running around taking care of them, their needs, their activities, them, them, them. I love them with all my heart and I because I do, I need to take care of myself not only be around, but also to set a good example for them. My stress was trying to figure out how to get it all done and still have time for me, my health. I have been struggling for way too long. I stayed up and curled up on the couch with my laptop. I started looking for ways to lower my blood pressure, lower my bad cholesterol, loose weight, not get winded going up one flight of stairs, ... After a while I felt like I had seen it all before, tried it all. It was very depressing. I began thinking about a group of friends who got help with their weight some 15 years ago. They lost the weight and have managed to keep just about all of it off. One them is a good friend. I see her and her accomplishments and I want to be like her. This week for instance, she logged a 4-6 mile run almost everyday! I can't even run half a mile. *sigh*


That night I threw in the towel. No more doing it alone. I need to get help, support, motivation, ..., I have failed at doing it alone. It was not an easy decision for me to make, I weighed the pros and cons, time needed, costs, distance needed to be traveled, type of commitment, and so on. I decided to join Weight Watchers. Once I made the decision, I felt a bit of relief and I was able to fall asleep.